Shout out to everyone

I have moved my blog away from Blogger and their hypocritical censorship. Apparently you can have nude photos if they are porn or "artistic", but nothing else because all of my images keep getting taken down. I'm now here.

On the prowl

If you noticed the title of this entry you'll notice it says I'm "on the prowl". This is because I am now a feral cat. Well not feral in the sense of I have rabies and won't let anyone touch me, but I'm now "Daddy"less.

Speaking of Daddies. Gigi who is supposed to post on this blog with me, but probably never will has an online daddy. He's technically real-time since he'll eventually be visiting. He considers himself a switch, but he's mostly Dom. Actually he could never Dom me, he's not "strong" enough. Not strong in the sense of muscle, but aura? I think that's the word I'm looking for. Anyhow back to Gigi. Her daddy aggravates me because he's rather self-righteous at times. I like to knock him down a few pegs because he thinks we're "friends". He acts really sub to me. It's a strange mixture I suppose. Although not stranger than me.

My kitty look has been put on the back burner. Don't get me wrong I'm more than eager to get this started, I just don't have the means at this time. Nor the energy for some reason. I think I need to get laid. Any offers?

Purple plugs and kitty tails

So Daddy bought me a plug to use with my tail. Little does he know it's not going to work, but that's ok 'cause it's cute. I haven't used it. As a matter of fact it's still in the box it came in on my bed. It's not that I don't want to use it or anything, I've just been a little bit preoccupied watching CSI:Miami.

GiGi has been talking to this guy online off and on for months now. He at first was her "baby boy", but now he wants to be her Daddy Dom. She has a fetish in AB (adult baby). He asked her to send her some pictures of her as a baby. I'm definitely not into that, but any opportunity to take pictures is fun for me. I actually did take really good pictures. Money has been running pretty low for me, so I decided on a way to make money. I told her to tell him that I will take six pictures of me and her in "baby and mommy/caregiver/nanny" mode however he wants in exchange for three fox tails, which comes out to a little over $20 for him. I figured that's two pictures a tail.

Pretty fair deal I'd say. Anyhow all that stuff is still in the works, but I feel the kitty in me will be able to come out soon enough. In the mean time take a look at this site for a tentative idea of what I'm going for.

I have a confession...

...I can't make pancakes. I mean yes, I can mix the batter and all that jazz, but my pancakes come out looking like skewed bits of vomit. I was hungry today, and my pantry is looking a bit bare, but lo and behold there are pancakes! Yeah, so not trying that again.

I realize there hasn't been an update in a while. That's because the kink has been a bit lacking in my life lately. I feel like a shelter kitten, peeking through the bars, softly mewing, hoping someone, anyone, will come and pick me up, and possibly make me their pet. Why is this? Did my owner leave me. No, not exactly. He's just been a less than active part in my life lately. If he's still around by my birthday he better get me something good to make up for this absence!

Body Modification

I was reading a blog I frequent called 24/7 (look to my links). The blog is a brief, but interesting look into the lives of Richard and Amy, a D/s couple. Amy had written a blog about body modifications, and her feelings on them. She mentioned getting acrylics done. I had never thought of those as a type of body modification, but I guess it can be looked at it as such. I on the other hand have no problem with them.

Let's take a look at my modifications. First I have my ears. I got my first holes done when I was a month old. My birth father took me to have them done. My mother was livid, but let me keep them in anyhow. The second hole in my ear was my cartilage on my right side. It was July 23, 2005. The only reason I remember that date was because it was my little sister's birthday. This one didn't hurt, but it made a sickening crunch. I had that done when I was 17. I basically tricked my mother into allowing me to get it done. It's a long story that deals with that "Jamaican Pride and Stubbornness" issue. The final holes in my ears came when I was 18. This one actually stung a little bit. I had wanted to get her ears pierced, but my mom said no so I got mine done instead.

The next one we'll look at is tattoos. I got a rose with handcuffs done when I was 19. It was around February. I went to a tattoo parlor in Ybor City called "Katz Tattoo". My artist was named Jeff.



The next body modification I had done was my clit hood. I got this one done about January 2007. I must say that this actually hurt a whole lot less than getting my second hole in my ear. The only part that really hurt was after the jewelery was in when he had to take the piercing needle out. The piercing took place at "Level 5" by "Patches" who is the person who did all my piercings.



The piercing I got done after that was in February 2007. That was when I went and had both nipples pierced. I must say that of all my piercings, this one actually made me swear. The right one wasn't so bad, but the adrenaline starts to wear off while they are prepping the next nipple. The left one hurt about as much as slapping your nipple in a door. The result was very attractive if I do say so.



My last piercing modification was done April 2007. I don't recall the exact date, but it was before 4/20 (R.I.P. Grandpa). This piercing was the least painful out of all my piercings. To be exact, I didn't feel it. I didn't even know he was done.

My final piece of body modification was my ankle tattoo. This tattoo hurt, but surprisingly I felt really turned on when it was done. It was almost a "bitch in heat" kind of feeling. This tattoo is actually what I refer to as my "house symbol". I plan on having at least one, if not two lifetime submissives. I already have one, but I don't know if I plan on having another. Irregardless of that when the time comes for our "collaring ceremony" my submissive will have this tattooed on his lower abdomen (Think Blade Trinity). The tattoo was done sometime after April, but I don't recall which month. This tattoo was done at "Level 5" as well.



That concludes Kitty's body modification tour. I actually plan on having my right eyebrow done as well as my right nostril. This of course will come once I get the nerve.

Eerie...

The blog has been silent, eerily silent. Why is that you may ask? Because I haven't done anything. Literally all I did was work, come home, and watch pre-recorded episodes of "The 4400" and "Psych". I haven't done anything with Daddy either!

Ended up not going to Fetishcon, not that I had my heart set on it, but it would have been a great blog! Irregardless of that, the kitty pictures will be slow in coming as life has once again thrown me a curve ball. I will try and get it together PDQ (Pretty Damn Quick). Until then, bitch at Daddy for not spending time with the kitty. Not my fault! Remember Wednesdays and Fridays kids. Those are the days that kitty gets to take a break away from "The Man". :o) Black people are funny.

Kitty's dogies are feeling "rumblys in their tumblys", and have exploded all over the house. GiGi got tired of cleaning the shrapnel, and slacked off which caused Kitty to go into an enraged cleaning spree. Kitty doesn't want to talk about it. The doggies should be fine within the week, God willing.

A Change of Pace

This entry isn't going to be like my usual entries. This is Jinxy talking. Not kitty. Not submissive. Ms. Jinxy. I used to have a submissive who I'll call "J". He was one of the most annoying men ever, and our encounter with one another was brief. My main problem with "J" is that he has trouble showing up when he's supposed to. Our schedules already conflicted enough without his added excuses.

"J" is what I like to call a dreamer. He has all these ideas of what he wants to happen, but when it comes down to it he backs out. He has a dream of one day being castrated. That can very well be arranged. He also has a fantasy of having his picture taken while he sucks cock, yet when I had him sucking a dildo he broke scene to tell me that he changed his mind, and felt uncomfortable with taking pictures. I totally understood, and respected that. Besides the camera was acting up anyhow. Another dream of his is forced bi, yet he had a slew of excuses why he couldn't come over the day my bisexual friend came over to be with him.

Finally the day came that "J" annoyed me to the point of being released. I would have let him go, and let bygones be bygones, but GiGi took pity on him. I informed him that he would now be under her ownership. This seemed like a favorable solution for everyone. The best part about giving her "J" was that now I had someone who I could have her train on/with.

Another problem with this boy, that I almost forgot to mention, occurs if he happens to see you online, or even if he doesn't he will leave you a dozen (literally if not more) messages. Sometimes they are just "hi" or smileys. This issue has been addressed, and still seems to be a slight problem. He has a punishment waiting for him that will refresh his memory on that issue. Irregardless of that, he wants to try forced bisexuality as I mentioned before. I'm still trying to grasp how this is forced if it's something you want to do. Anyhow, "J" was told by GiGi to buy a butt plug to get used to having his ass full. Do you know that man had the nerve to ask me what type of plug he should get? "Um...the one that says anal plug, and looks like a stopper. " C'mon now, no one is that freakin' dense!

A huge part of me hopes he comes over soon. I plan on having a nice paddle to use on him to demonstrate to GiGi the proper way to paddle a bottom. After I show her the proper technique I plan on having her repeat exactly what I just did. Also unbeknownst to him I've done a little bit of anal work myself, and I have a nice strap-on with several attachments. (See previous blog) This should prove to be an interesting visit. I'll keep you posted. >:)

I Don't Wanna Close My Eyes!!!!

Oh, My, GAWD! I have never, in my entire life, felt something so deliciously exhausting as cumming from anal penetration! I literally came, and didn't move from that spot for 5 minutes. The whole time the lines, "...I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever, forever and ever" ("I Don't Want to Miss A Thing" - Aerosmith) kept replaying themselves over and over in my head. GiGi came over to ask me if I was ok. Lol...I didn't want to talk.

The exact items "Cookie" the lady of Fantasies recommended were "Rear Entry: Desensitizing Anal Lube", "O' My Natural Lubricant with Hemp", the "Ultimate Douche", and "Anal Invader: Multi-speed vibrator ribbed for anal pleasure". To add to the anal pleasure tool kit, I also had an elephant-topped pocket rocket type vibrator that I got from Bada Boom.

"Cookie" from Fantasies, said that most of the time people have trouble doing anything anal because they are worried about shitting, or farting. I never encountered that issue before, but that's me. She told me I should do an enema, but not the store bought ones as they have a chemical in them that make them addicting. She told me to just use warm water. I actually did the enema three times just to be on the safe side.

The "Rear Entry" actually has a weird tingling sensation when used. She said to add a little bit to just the rim of the anus, and to use the lube graciously. She also said to just relax and go slow. Kind of sounded like Daddy with the whole relax thing. I am a weird person when it comes to mess. Lube is ridiculously messy, but this lube is more of a gel-like lube which worked amazingly for the anal. At first I thought the lube was going to be messy, but actually only a little of it got on the bed. On top of the lube being great it's all natural so if you're like me, and are ridiculously sensitive to almost everything it shouldn't bother you.

Now this isn't actually a tip of hers, but I love watching pornos when I get off, so I went to my favorite porn site "My Free Pay Site" and watched a Double Penetration video I like. I slowly inserted the "Anal Invader" and slowly pumped it in, and out of my ass. Surprisingly it felt really good. I think it had to do with the mix of vibration and ribs. I then turned on my elephant vibrator, and went to town massaging my clit. I only got two minutes into the video, and in reality I had already fast forwarded to the part I enjoyed. I came so hard that I raised off the mattress! I came like that for another minute. GiGi said I looked like I was having a seizure. (:D) Kinda felt like I was. My body wouldn't stop spasming. Finally exhausted I dropped everything on the floor. I didn't even have the strength to turn off the video. As I lay there basking in the afterglow of my orgasm, I slowly felt my ass returning to its present state, and was racked with a mini-orgasm that caused my body to do one final involuntary spasm. That's when the lyrics ran through my mind, and I started laughing uncontrollably.

Eventually I was able to get up, turn everything off, and wash off. Kitty is very pleased. Me-ow!

This is kind of what I looked like on the bed:

Fantasies

Fantasies. This is by far the best store for adult toys ever! The girl who owns the store is a Domme who actually knows a friend of mine! How exciting. She is so fucking knowledgeable! Sometimes she amazes me. She writing a book all about anal. It's almost done. I told her I'd buy a book, and have her sign a copy. I bought a little over $70 worth of anal stuff. I'm seriously going to get into this. I can see it already. Not to backtrack into the past, but I used to do anal randomly with my houseboy. It was a very pleasurable experience when done correctly. She's so adamant about not doing anything that doesn't make you comfortable. I told her about Daddy. She found my stockings for my kitty outfit. I think I want to be a black and white kitty. I don't think I want to dye my tail because it's beautiful the way it is now. "Cookie" as the Domme is called told me not to try putting in the plug until I'm used to the way anal feels. She gave me a bunch of good tips, and I'm going to try them all tonight. Kitty should sleep rather well!

On a side note, my throat and neck are a little sore. Bad Daddy! Kitty may have to scratch him next time. On another side note, BDSM makes me a happier, and nicer person. As of today I'm changing the title of this blog from "The Kitty's Meow" to "The Kinky Diaries". Lil' Sis adopted a new name today. Her new name is "GiGi".

I was thinking back to the way Daddy wants me and GiGi to dress. He has us dress like sluts, but it's ok because I'm comfortable in nothing. Thinking about that brought this pic to mind:






Hmmm....maybe there's some truth behind that?

First Day

In writing this blog I am going to strive to tell the truth. A part of me wants to omit certain things, but I'm going to keep this extremely truthful.

My Daddy came over today. I was happy that he was pleased with my grout work. I had no idea vinegar worked so well at getting the grout clean. C cleaned up the room. We were cleaning until 5 o'clock in the morning! We eventually went to bed. I expected to wake up at 11 o'clock like I usually do, but I must have been more tired than I thought because I slept until 1! I never did finish cleaning the grout. I figure if I do a little bit each day I'll have it done in a few days. Daddy and C had a talk, and I think now that things are more open (at least on her side) that we will be in for one hell of an adventure. I think she should write her feelings in this blog as well. Look for her entries soon.

Here comes the confession I was going to omit. Daddy had told me I was getting a swat for saying, "Okay." instead of "yes". I was a little scared because he said they wouldn't be for pleasure. He even told me he had boughten some new spoons just for that purpose. *Gulp* Anyhow, he came over and my stupid body decided to run low on iron and give me a headache! I took some pills, and he graciously waited until I felt better to give me my swat. He hit me with the longer of the two spoons in my inner thigh. Here's the confession: It didn't hurt. (:D) Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT a pain slut, but I was expecting an over the head swat or something. I was a bit shocked, and a little relieved. He said it wasn't as bad as it was going to be because I wasn't feeling well. A part of me thinks it wasn't.

When I was sitting on the bed, Daddy was rapping my foot bottom with one of the spoons. For some reason that turned me on immensely. A part of me wanted to beg for more, and the other part was disgusted that I was craving that.

I shaved C today. The girl was ridiculously hairy! She has to maintain it though. Thank GOD! All the while , Daddy was lightly tapping me with the spoons, flogger, and crop. It actually felt really good. Sadly we couldn't do very much because T was home with The Kidd today.

Oh I can't believe I almost forgot. Daddy decided to show me how he liked his oral performed. He kept gagging me. Every time I'd gag he'd say, "There we go. Good girl." I kept thinking, "NO!!! I don't want to throw up!" He kept saying, "Relax, relax." I was a bad kitty, and told him, "That's easy for you to say. You're up there!" I thought I would get slapped, (A part of me wanted it?) but it never came. (I did throw up a little. I spit it out, and we continued on. No relief! :D) He said, "You forgot to mention in your blogs how well you sucked cock." Yes, because all the world was wondering. (:D) Bad Kitty!

Crazy Induction

Today was interesting. Usually when I come home I lay down for a few minutes, and allow the aching in my back to subside. Instead of my usual routine, I came home grabbed C and The Kidd, and drove all over God's green Earth trying to find materials that I could make my ears out of. You'd think it'd be a rather simple task.

I found some killer fox tails on eBay. They are fairly inexpensive. As much as I'm excited about my tail I'm not too thrilled at the plug aspect, but there must be sacrifices in life to achieve what you want. The tail itself is beautiful. I know I'm going to get a lot of flax from the PETA group, but I really don't care. Yes, I understand the whole animal cruelty issue. No, I would never wear my dog's tails, nor my bird's, nor "Harry Potter" the rabbit's tail. Yes, I understand I sound like a hypocrite...bite me.

My Daddy wants me to be a white kitty. This tail is purrfect for that! The only part that's a bit harder is finding the materials for my ears. I tried Michael's and they have some wires that would work nicely for them. Another issue are the white thigh highs. Living in a retirement town I suppose the goldie oldies don't need 'em. I'm going to hit the mall in the morning, and see what I can find.

I was talking today with a few friends of mine who I met on CM. I directed them to this blog which opened up a whole host of questions. The most asked question was, "Why do you want to be a kitty?" This question is more complicated than it appears.

First let's start with the definition of kitty according to dictionary.com:

kit·ty1 /ˈkɪti/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[kit-ee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–noun, plural -ties.

1.

a kitten.

2.	a pet name for a cat.

---

[Origin: 1710–20; kitt(en) + -y²]

Growing up I had few friends. It's hard to have friends when you have the dreaded "only child" mentality. For those who don't know what "only child" mentality is it is the theory that "what's mine is mine, and what's yours is still mine". Growing up that mentality doesn't make you very popular. I never really liked people anyway. To replace people I fantasized about exotic countries where everyone got along, and there was no need for rules, cliques, or laws. I became best friends with my cat, Tiger. He never judged me. Never told me I was weird, strange, or had "cooties". He never told me that "black people don't do that". I watched Tiger all the time. I studied his movements; his fluidity. He was graceful. He was beautiful. He was everything I wanted to be!

I practiced his meow daily. I got my voice down to the T. He would come when I called. He was my confidant. I whispered little meows of sorrow. I cried my heart out to him. He licked my salty tears, and crawled under my bed inviting me to enter into the cave-like comfort zone he had created for us. Having a cat as a best friend taught me to see how he saw, to live, and act in the same manner as him. Every time he did something my human form wouldn't allow I would become envious. When "Animorphs" came out I wanted so much for something like that to happen to me. To be able to morph into any animal you chose would have made my lifetime. I would have changed into a cat, and disappeared forever!

To me a kitty has no rules. She is fueled by her own resolve. Kitties do not always come when called. Kitties have bad days. Sometimes they are moody. Although these may seem to be negative qualities they are all things that make a kitty a kitty. Kitties love to cuddle, and be petted, kissed, and hugged. They need to be loved and nurtured. They are wild rogues. Their love and dedication to you is earned based on your trustworthiness and dependability.

Placing myself in the mindset of a kitty allows me to let go. To fully submit myself to myself. I get to be what I've hidden inside so long. I can curl up at the feet of my Daddy, and know that everything will be ok because he's here to protect, care for, and watch over for my physical and mental well-being. Finally I get to be me.

Submission = Strength?

Ever since I can remember I have been dominant.

"Submission is weak. Crying is weak. Only the weak cry. Only the weak submit!"

My step-father would tell me this often. I could blame it on his military background, but secretly I suppose he hated the fact that I was a girl. He married my mother when he was 21. She was 31, and a widow with a three-year-old daughter. My mother never was able to give him any children. I believe that made him treat me like the "son he never had". I was forced into sports. Basketball, softball, and volleyball. I excelled as a center. I went to tournaments as a stand-in for other teams as a catcher. I could do an over hand spike like you wouldn't believe. All things I enjoyed, but only because for one instant I felt my father loved me. Don't misunderstand that previous statement none of this is because I didn't feel loved as a child. I felt he truly expressed his love and appreciation the day I was crowned Homecoming Queen.

"You may not be as thin as your cousins, but I'm proud of you. You won Homecoming Queen, and showed them that you don't have to be rail thin to accomplish something like this!"

Thanks, I think.

My mother was, and still is my rock. I love her more than life itself. She and him adopted two boys from Tulsa, OK (both half-brothers), a little girl from Jamaica, and fostered another little girl who we've known since her birth (tragic accident may go into that later). Those kids are my life. I love them as much as my mother. I keep wondering if my father were still alive if I'd have grown up more compassionate? Better able to be a feminine girl who liked wearing dresses and playing tea party. One who wasn't made ashamed of crying, and who could show emotions. Then again, I never would have met the people I have, or have wonderful siblings, and an even greater godson/cousin.

I remember as a young child dominating my friends.

"Let's go in the tent. Okay lay down. I'm supposed to lick you. That's what the man on the TV does."

Frequent "indoor camping trips" with my friends were nothing more than child molestation done at the hands of another child. I can't say my friends didn't enjoy it, but looking back now we had no idea what we were doing or getting into. As I got older, I got bolder, and wiser. I "converted" girls into being the bisexuals that I wanted. I remember one girl in particular. Her name was Jessica. I thought she was beautiful. She was about 5'1, almost ash blonde hair. She wore make-up, talked to boys was a year older than me, and had perfect perky 34Bs. She was 13 going on 14. I was 12. We had sex whenever my friend, Shaila, would invite both of us over. We'd wait until she was asleep, and then run to her room to play "college". Guess who was the boyfriend? I believe I was the first person to lick her to orgasm.

Stupidly I wrote about our affair in my diary. I trusted my mother and step-father enough not to read my private thoughts and feelings. I trusted them enough to give them the spare key. Not only did they break that trust, they broke the lock to my diary. My mother flew into a rage!

"There are no such things as bisexual, lesbian, or gay people, Jinxy! They are confused sinners! They will burn in hell for what they do. Do you want to go to hell? Just because you're on the pill does not mean you can be out there having sex. I told you that!! We are going to get you tested. You are never allowed to spend the night at anyone's house again! EVER!"

I've never been more ashamed or scared in my life. I was actually on the pill for menstrual reasons, but parents tend to forget things when they're mad. At that time we were living in Fort Sill, OK. My mother took me on base where a black nurse with a wide load ass, and an even bigger attitude took my blood for an AIDS test. An AIDS test! Honestly! I was still a virgin, and remained that way until I turned 17. (She still thinks I am one.) Obviously my results came back negative, but whatever she did worked. I didn't touch another female until I was in 9th grade.

Enough about my childhood, at least for now. As I got older I started reading around the net more and more. I started delving into roleplaying back when Yahoo! still had clubs. My quest for images to depict what my character looked like took me to CastleRealm there I was introduced to the world of BDSM. Finally my feelings, and the way people acted around me started to make sense. It made sense why children, pets, and even adults did as I asked with no questions asked. I thought maybe I was just intimidating. But lo, I was a Dominant! I had a place, and a purpose. I then tried to find out more. Yahoo! is always a good place to start. I joined a club, and was accosted with well-wishers. I met one man in particular who introduced me to a site called CollarMe. (From here on known as CM.) He identified as a switch. That was something new to me. A switch? What the hell was that?

After doing more and more research, reading numerous books, and taking time to reflect on myself I found that I had no desire to switch, and was pretty content with my role as "Top". The more and more I told myself I was on top, the less and less I became interested in it, that is until I met Chris. Chris and I actually met through a vanilla friend. This is the same friend who is the mother of my godson. Chris moved to Tampa to live with me. He lived with me for a crazy, and self-identifying year. We had our ups and downs, but overall I enjoyed our time together.

While in Tampa I kept having this nagging thought/feeling. The idea of submission became more, and more intense. I visited a munch as a submissive, and was bombarded by men wanting to take me under their wing and "spank me". My first instinct was to run. And run I did. I haven't been to another munch since. Do I still want to go to a munch, yes, but sometimes life gets in the way.

After my munch experience I conversed back and forth with a woman I met on CM. She informed me that she was a Domme-In-Training. A what?! All these new words and ideas! She basically wanted to try being a submissive to better understand what her submissives were going through. I thought, "Hey, maybe I could do that. If I don't like it, then that means subbing isn't for me!"

We met with a "Dom" named Frank. HA! This man was a joke. He had a live-in sub who he basically tricked into living with him. Come to think of it, that's how he made a living; by scamming people or tricking men into thinking he was a woman, and sending him money for a plane ticket that he had no intention of buying. Long story short, he attempted to get more and more subs even though he couldn't care for the ones he already had. This ended with us (us being the three submissives he had acquired), stealing his live-in away in the middle of the night. Last I heard he was a manager at Sonics Drive-Thru.

After Frank I decided being submissive was not in the cards for me. I moved back home, and let Chris go. I was still battling with being submissive. Remember submission is a weakness? When I moved home I reunited with my best friends. Not that they were ever gone, I just kind of stopped talking to them so much. My best friend C informed me that she was going to tell her parents she didn't want to be a nurse anymore, and was dropping out of class. In their predictable fashion they freaked out, and became irrational. I left my home in the middle of the night, and brought her to my parent's home where we remained until we bought a house.

The thing about C is this. She is submissive. She was raised that way. Bite your tongue. Don't talk back. Never question authority. I was raised to be dominant. Speak your mind. Open your mouth, stand up for what you believe in, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! I introduced her to BDSM. I introduced her to as much information as I knew. She wanted to be Dominant. She wanted to dominate someone. She wanted to be a Mommy Domme. A WHAT?! That was something I hadn't heard of. I had hear of furries, pony play, domestic house slaves, toilet slaves (yuck!), and even sex slaves, but a Mommy Domme? Turns out this has to do with AB, also known as Adult Babies. This is a total turn-0ff to me, especially the diapering.

The more and more I watched C evolve, the more and more I noticed she was putting on a front. Being dominant did not come natural to her, but she refused to admit she was a submissive. The more I watched BDSM related movies, the more I yearned to understand the submissive. I don't know when the wanting to understand turned into the need to be. I changed my profile from Domme to Switch, and once again proceeded to find a "Daddy". I needed someone who I felt was more dominant than me. Someone who could put me in my place. I browsed the message boards daily envious of the collared submissives who were happy in their relationships. I was even envious of the Doms and Dommes who had met and collared their submissives. I was envious because they knew for a fact who they were. They didn't have to wonder or struggle with choices. I found that even though I wanted to be submissive I didn't want to stop being Dominant. That's where being a Submissive Top came into play.

A Submissive Top is basically a submissive who is usually collared. Their Dom/me has one or more submissives who are in a sense "under" the submissive top. In a nutshell anyhow.

This revelation put me a bit at ease. I continued browsing the message boards until one day I came across a profile that struck me as odd. I had heard about puppy play. I had even saw a few online, but kitten play? To me this girl is beautiful. She is a submissive. She is a kitten. She is how I see myself. She was a website called KittenPlay. Although her website is limited on information, she does have a lot of good videos.

The thought of being a kitten appealed to me more, and more. I inactively kept searching for a Dominant male. I scoured profiles daily hoping to find one who might catch my eye. I felt all was hopeless, and lost. That is until I got a message from a local man. I'm always leery about meeting anyone local. It's too risky. To many variables and factors. This man is beyond honest about everything. He put me in my place with simple little comments. I want him. I cannot delve too much into my meeting with him as everything is still up in the air. Suffice to say that I cannot wait to see what the future holds with us. Did I mention he wants to make me a kitty? JOY!

My decision to step off my throne, and into submission is not, and has not been an easy one. Sometimes I feel like I've let people down by showing that I'm not always Dominant like people believe, but at the same time I want to start living for me. C is still worried about being submissive, but I have told her that I will never let anyone hurt her. If she has any ominous feelings she knows I will put my life on the line to protect her. Not only is she my best friend she is pretty much my wife.

Is submission going to be easy? By all means no, but I plan on blogging my journey in hopes that others may see, and either come to terms with their feelings or learn a little bit about the lifestyle.

Submission by all means is not a weakness. It is an empowerment. It is becoming a woman. It is acceptance.